Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
