No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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