just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
