he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
