Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
