I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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