dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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