life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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