My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
