I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize