i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
