we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
