ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
