The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
