Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
