I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
