her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
