Screwed.edu
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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