I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
