I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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