Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
