hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
