I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
