so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
