Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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