Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
