the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
why is half of my head shaved?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
