I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
did i just pee glitter
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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