you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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