Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
