I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
