I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
