I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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