no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
