If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
