direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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