You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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