Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
