I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
