So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
