Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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