It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
