If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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