You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
