i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
