in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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