the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
