Having a random hookup so left but love u
Pappa wants mamma naked
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
