i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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