Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
