Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
