Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
