laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
