stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
not ubering you a puppy
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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