Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
