I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
