I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
