census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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