and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
