She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
