i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
