I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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