He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
