I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
