I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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