Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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