sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
