you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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