Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
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He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
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hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low