Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located