I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3