Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.