Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
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hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
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Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog