I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
