dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.