so that wasnt chicken after all
True but thats because hes a fetus.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata