wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
