I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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