I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
