butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
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