I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
