Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
